So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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