I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
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How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
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But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant