I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
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6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
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I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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