hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.