Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
