so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
are you so shy because you have an std?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.