I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
