she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry