he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
