Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
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In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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