i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.