Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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