u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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