she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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