I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
