pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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