Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
