I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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