i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
