he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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