i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
