I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
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Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
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Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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