What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
