I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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