Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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