just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.