Texts From Last Night

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  (510): View more from California

  I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.

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  (510): I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete. http://tfl.nu/ez0g
  Replies (13) Good night (8635) Bad night (581)
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  (559): View more from California

  the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.

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  (559): the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more. http://tfl.nu/a0ch
  Replies (5) Good night (795) Bad night (3403)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.

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  (940): Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next. http://tfl.nu/2m7k
  Replies (32) Good night (734) Bad night (4790)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.

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  (514): Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight. http://tfl.nu/evaz
  Replies (19) Good night (884) Bad night (4506)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.

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  (903): omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal. http://tfl.nu/qev8
  Replies (26) Good night (17506) Bad night (1204)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.

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  (908): My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv. http://tfl.nu/oqts
  Replies (61) Good night (10715) Bad night (1774)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.

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  (403): you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape. http://tfl.nu/to8s
  Replies (15) Good night (4600) Bad night (819)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.

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  (813): Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again. http://tfl.nu/0xdw
  Replies (14) Good night (715) Bad night (4224)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.

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  (401): My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar. http://tfl.nu/vsf5
  Replies (9) Good night (3527) Bad night (991)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink

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  (406): Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink http://tfl.nu/w6xd
  Replies (5) Good night (1770) Bad night (601)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?

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  (303): I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream? http://tfl.nu/tu1k
  Replies (13) Good night (573) Bad night (1571)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE

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  (828): NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE http://tfl.nu/lvmw
  Replies (6) Good night (512) Bad night (1517)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.

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  (941): We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success. http://tfl.nu/js7j
  Replies (1) Good night (587) Bad night (196)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.

  (727): View more from Florida

  I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'

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  (727): I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude. (727): I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.' http://tfl.nu/bvh3
  Replies (2) Good night (768) Bad night (215)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.

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  (469): He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am. http://tfl.nu/tu7g
  Replies (1) Good night (647) Bad night (137)

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