maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.