Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have fence marks all over my body
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.