Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.