Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants