I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered