I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she told me i tasted like america
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.