why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.