omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
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He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
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You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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