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Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
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