And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
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Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
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Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.