the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
