Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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