my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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