Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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