Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
