just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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