I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
