I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
