Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
