My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
