Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
