I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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