my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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