I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she peed on how many people?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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