She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
