dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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