there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
