so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
