Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
