Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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