Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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