I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
farters have to be the big spoon...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
