Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
