I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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