I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So squirting runs in the family.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
