the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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