She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
