I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
