Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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