Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
