I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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