with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
