Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize