Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
