That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
