using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
