i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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