If that was your dad, he is hot
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
