omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
