Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
