Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
