You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
