I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
