Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
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Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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