I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
