i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
