When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
