i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
