does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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