a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
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and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
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You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i've created a new STD.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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