BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just found puke in my bra..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
