Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
