He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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