Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
