I'm gonna have a badass scar
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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