Dual....:-)
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
