Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
