Small penises have feelings too.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Randomize
