You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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