I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
