drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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