she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
