I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
